Visits in the Night . . .

I started out asleep but was awakened suddenly to the feeling that I wasn't alone. As I struggled to clear my head I instinctively reached out to touch Ray - he seemed that close. Hadn't he just been sitting next to me on the bed, brushing my hair out of my eyes like he used to, telling me not to worry, that everything was fine? It was so clear, so real . . .

Now I'm wide awake and turning to the one thing I always do to sort things out - writing. I know I closed this blog but I've missed having the outlet so here I am - again. I may as well accept the fact that writing is what I do. As I sit here pondering spiritual mysteries, this song that Josh Groban sings keeps playing in my mind. It's on my ipod and I've listened to it several times since getting out of bed. Here are the lyrics . . .

To Where You Are

Lyrics by Linda Thompson

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

There is one other song that hits pretty close to home for me as well (also on my ipod). I heard this one earlier last week for the first time. My new found love of country music (since Ray's death) is evident with this one.


I Still Miss You

Keith Anderson

I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you
I still miss you baby

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I don't know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I still miss you
I still miss you...... yeah.... yeah.....

It's weird how I can go along for weeks and even months and then suddenly it hits me all over again. It isn't a bad thing and I don't mind, but it always catches me by surprise. This kind of loss, I've decided, is like no other.

I need to go back to bed. I hate to fall asleep in church.