Sunday Again?!?

Well it's Sunday again - how quickly they seem to roll around. We actually spent most of the day with the family. We all met at the Green Market and then ended up at Duffy's for a late lunch. My SIL rode with me from the Green Market to the restaurant and talked about everything that has been causing all the tension between us. Now they are telling me they don't want us to move back to Tennessee, etc... I told them that it was a hard decision to make but I still feel that it is the best one for us. Even though we talked and I feel like we cleared the air so to speak, I still don't feel comfortable enough staying as I know that it will continue to be rocky. Our personalities are just so different. I know that Leah and I both will be happier back in the Nashville area and that is the important thing.

The weather today has been wonderful as always. Lots of sun and breezy. It was wonderful sitting outside on the patio at Duffy's. It gave the girls more room to play without disturbing other customers so that was a good thing. I have so much going on in my head right now that it is hard to get my thoughts sorted out. It is very difficult being a people pleaser as it is hard to make decisions sometimes when you know someone is going to be hurt. I think my brother and SIL are hurt that I am moving back and I hate that. However, I know that Leah and I have been hurt a lot since moving here and my top priority is her. On the bright side, as least we are clearing up the misunderstandings so that we can continue to have a relationship like we had before Leah and I moved here. I've also learned a lot about myself in the process - some of the lessons have been painful. This whole thing with them has made me feel like I am such a failure at relationships. But yet I don't seem to have problems making and keeping friends. Ray and I did better than most married couples. We had our issues but we worked through them. Today my SIL kept telling me that I misunderstood both her and my brother. Not once did she say that maybe they misunderstood some things where I am concerned. She had an answer for everything. The whole religion thing was another issue as well. She grew up with parents who were fearful of Christians because of how the Christians persecuted the Jews in Poland where her grandmother was from. She doesn't see how her long held fear has been hard for me to work around because even though she doesn't realize it, part of that fear is directed toward me. It is so hard to have a relationship where there is fear and mistrust. Anyway, it is what it is. At least the anger seems to be gone, forgiveness has been granted on both sides (I think) and now we just have to let time heal the hurts.

I've got laundry going and I've been packing boxes. I've also been getting rid of things that I haven't used. I cannot imagine what it will be like to live in a place that doesn't have so much stuff. I am looking forward to it though. This will be the first time in my life that I have not been surrounded by so much stuff. My parents were packrats, my husband was a packrat and I used to be one. Now I consider myself a reformed packrat. I feel like that when I move this time that I will have gotten rid of so much that I'll kind of be starting out with a clean slate as far as being able to decorate and that sort of thing. I'm so tired of the things that I inherited that I never did like - yet I've had a hard time getting rid of it all. Guilt is a powerful thing.

Well, it's back to work for me. Leah still needs a shampoo and bath. I think she also has some homework to finish up.