Sleep is Over Rated Anyway . . .

What can I say, sometimes we have to tell ourselves things to stay sane. Sleep has been rather elusive lately. I've been burning the early morning oil studying and the one night I decided not to study until the wee hours, I can't fall asleep.

Ray has been on my mind so much lately but for different reasons that the norm. I never, ever thought that I would think/feel this much less say it, but I'm finally ready to let go and move on. Today marks 2 years and eight months since his death. I now know what it means to carry someone in your heart forever but to still have room to love someone else. This past week when I was driving home from work thinking about nothing in particular, it was almost like an audible voice saying, "Now you're ready." I felt so excited and hopeful when I allowed myself to entertain the thought that I might just love someone else again. Even though I've dated and come close to marriage, I knew in my heart that I wasn't ready for that step yet. It never felt right and I'm so glad that I listened to those inner gut feelings. Moving to Florida and then back to Tennessee I think helped me in so many ways. I feel complete in myself now; I know that I can handle life on my own if I need to. I've managed to be a good enough mom and have learned so much about myself. I now know that I needed to figure out who I am without Ray. I needed to see what I'm made of - what my strengths are, etc... I learned that you don't know what you can do until you have to do it. I'm in no hurry - I know things happen in their own time. But, I have met someone that I'm extremely attracted to - much to my surprise. He is not the "type" I would have even considered before but hey . . . you just never know what (or who!) life has in store for you! It is fun to have these feelings again - it makes life seem a whole lot brighter.

OK - enough soul baring for one night. I think I'll throw another load of clothes in the washer and read another chapter in my text book.